Rewire Your Identity: Stop Forcing It and Start Living It

Rewire Your Identity: Stop Forcing It and Start Living It

In my previous post, we talked about why your goals don’t stick – and how the real problem isn’t your willpower, but your identity. (If you missed it, you can read it here.)

When your identity doesn’t match your goal, you’re fighting an uphill battle. For example:

  • If you see yourself as someone who struggles with public speaking, you’ll naturally avoid opportunities to share your ideas—even if it could advance your career.

  • If you identify as a procrastinator, you’ll find ways to delay—even when you have the best intentions to stay on track.

The real key to lasting change is reinventing your self-concept. But how do you do that in a practical, sustainable way?


Step 1: Identify Your Current Identity Blocks

Start by getting clear on the beliefs that are holding you back. Ask yourself:

  • What patterns do I keep repeating despite wanting to change?

  • What stories do I tell myself when I fall short of my goals?

  • What labels have I internalized that no longer serve me?

For example:

  • “I’m just not good at networking.”

  • “I always struggle with consistency.”

  • “I’m not a natural leader.”

Once you identify the beliefs keeping you stuck, you can start to question them.


Step 2: Challenge and Reframe Your Story

Your brain believes what you repeatedly tell it. If you constantly say, “I’m terrible at this,” your brain will believe it and look for evidence to confirm it.

Instead, start to reframe these statements:

  • “I’m learning how to get better at networking.”

  • “I’m becoming someone who follows through.”

  • “I’m building my confidence as a leader.”

Reframing isn’t about lying to yourself—it’s about choosing to see your potential.
By repeating these new statements, you’re training your brain to accept them as truth.


Step 3: Adopt the Identity You Want

Think about the version of you who has already achieved your goal. What are her habits, routines, and thought patterns? What does she wear, how does she show up in life? How does she approach challenges?

I like to call this your alter ego.

Beyonce and Sasha Fierce

When Beyoncé Knowles-Carter stepped onto the stage in her early career, she often felt nervous and vulnerable. Despite being one of the most talented performers of her generation, there were moments when her natural, soft-spoken personality couldn’t quite match the powerhouse presence she knew she needed on stage.

So, she created an alter ego – Sasha Fierce.

Sasha was bold, unapologetic, and fearless –everything Beyoncé sometimes didn’t feel in her day-to-day life. When Sasha took the stage, there was no hesitation, no second-guessing – just raw power, confidence, and control.

In interviews, Beyoncé explained that Sasha Fierce was the force behind her most iconic performances. The songs on her album “I Am... Sasha Fierce” reflected the contrast between her everyday self and the empowered persona she embodied when performing.

Over time, as Beyoncé’s confidence grew, she no longer needed Sasha. She eventually declared that she had “killed” her alter ego because she had fully integrated that fierce energy into herself.

Beyoncé’s story teaches us that sometimes we need an alter ego to unlock the qualities we already have but don’t always access. Once we recognize our own power, we may no longer need to keep that version of ourselves separate.

Kobe Bryant and The Black Mamba

When NBA legend Kobe Bryant faced one of the darkest periods of his life – both personally and professionally – he needed a way to channel his energy and resilience. That’s why he created his alter ego: The Black Mamba.

The Black Mamba wasn’t just a nickname, it was a mindset. Inspired by the snake known for its deadly precision and focus, Kobe decided that when he was on the court, he would embody that same relentlessness.

The Mamba Mentality meant pushing through pain, ignoring distractions, and dedicating himself to excellence. His alter ego enabled him to access a more powerful, more focused part of his psyche.

By embodying The Black Mamba, Kobe could leave his off-court challenges off court and fully immerse himself in the game. This alter ego helped him maintain his competitive edge, leading to some of the most memorable performances in NBA history.

Kobe’s story shows how an alter ego can act as a mental switch that allows you to separate who you are in everyday life from who you need to be to succeed in high-pressure situations.

My Story

I created my own alter ego years ago, without being aware of the concept, but that's what enabled me to be the person I wanted and needed to be in my career.

I loved being on stage in theatre, show choir and chorus in junior high school and high school, but when it came to public speaking, I was a mess. My lips would even tremble.

My career required me to address audiences of up to nearly 1,000 people, and I’d be a nervous wreck. I’d worry about my voice shaking and forgetting everything I wanted to say.

Then, I started leaning on my stage skills when I spoke. I didn’t know about alter egos, but I instinctively started playing a role when I stepped on stage, channeling the same skills I used on stage when I was younger.

And it worked. I delivered my talks with presence – and people noticed.

Looking back, I realize I was tapping into a different side of myself: the version that already knew how to own the stage.

Sometimes, the key to overcoming fear isn’t trying harder. It’s giving yourself permission to step into the version of you who already knows how to excel at it.

Create Your Alter Ego

Visualize her in your mind: how she walks, talks, and responds to challenges. Then, start embodying that version of yourself.

For example:

  • If she’s confident speaking to a group, practice speaking up in smaller settings first.

  • If she’s organized and proactive, start with one small daily routine that reflects that.

The goal isn’t to fake it; it’s to start integrating new behaviors that align with who you’re becoming.


Step 4: Take Small, Identity-Aligned Actions

Lasting change doesn’t come from occasional grand gestures. It comes from small, consistent actions that reflect your new self-concept.

Ask yourself:

  • What’s one small habit I can start today that aligns with my new identity?

  • How can I practice being the person I want to become in a low-stakes situation?

If you’re working on being a more proactive person, try setting a 5-minute timer to tackle a small task you’ve been putting off.

If you’re working on being more confident, challenge yourself to make eye contact and hold it a little longer than usual.

Each small step reinforces your new identity and starts to create new neural pathways.


Step 5: Expect Resistance and Move Through It

Change can feel uncomfortable, especially when it challenges your long-held beliefs.
Your brain will try to pull you back into familiar patterns, even if they no longer serve you. Your brain is more comfortable with familiarity than growth.

This resistance doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong; it means you’re making progress. Acknowledge the discomfort and remind yourself that it’s part of growth.

When resistance shows up, try saying:

  • “This discomfort means I’m growing.”

  • “I can do the things I find difficult. I just need to take it one step at a time.”

  • “I choose to be the kind of person who takes risks and keeps going.”


Addressing Common Fears Around Identity Shifts

It’s normal to feel hesitant about changing how you see yourself. Here are some common fears and how to reframe them:

1. Fear: “What if I’m faking it?”
Reframe: You’re not faking it – you’re evolving. Some of the most famous athletes, actors, and musicians employ an alter ego when on the field or on stage. Embracing new habits doesn’t mean you’re pretending. It means you’re growing.

2. Fear: “What if people don’t like the new me?”
Reframe: You’re not responsible for how others perceive you or your growth. Authenticity means aligning with who you truly are, not staying stuck to keep others comfortable. Would you rather stay stuck and dissatisfied, or keep other people happy?

3. Fear: “What if I can’t keep it up?”
Reframe: Sustainable change happens through small, consistent actions. Focus on today, not one month or six months in the future. Progress, not perfection.


Your Next Step: Start with One Shift

Choose one belief that no longer serves you and practice reframing it today. What is a different story that you can start telling your brain? One that supports your goals rather than holding you back.

By consciously choosing a new identity, you’re starting to live it.

Need support in creating your alter ego?
If you're interested in learning more about how to create and embody your alter ego, email me at hello@identityreinvention.com. I'd love to share more about Becoming: Unleash Your Alter Ego!